After I first developed my system for helping married couples I put an ad in the local paper that said, “I can save your marriage.” I got a tremendous response and began meeting with two or three couples a day. Most of the couples I was seeing were coming to me because they had tried everything else. Even though I did not have the normal credentials, meaning I am not a psychologist, they were desperate. My sessions were 2 hours long because I remembered well when my wife and I went to a marriage counselor and spent less than an hour with them I always left thinking there was way too much left unsaid. In retrospect, had we stayed longer we would have realized we weren’t getting any help. So I wanted to make sure people who came to me were getting what they were paying for. I made it clear that for any reason they thought reasonable they would not have to pay me. In two years there was only one man who chose not to pay me. But he was not sincere from the beginning and was only trying to appease his wife who he knew he was going to leave anyway. She had cheated on him and his cultural upbringing could never get past the humiliation he felt. Other than that one couple, everyone I worked with knew what to do to save their own marriage.

No one can save your marriage for you; you have to do it yourself. But what a mean statement that would be if you did not know how! Within 20 minutes of our meeting every single couple was back on track. I’m not saying they were there after 20 minutes! But they had agreed to leave the past behind, a past that was muddled with all sorts of improper behaviors. They agreed to train themselves according to how you’re supposed to behave in a marriage. It isn’t that hard. In fact, it’s downright simple. I didn’t say easy because retraining yourself, especially after many years, is not always the easiest thing to do… But the effort of retraining yourself is almost nothing compared to the pain of continuing on in a painful marriage, or the greater pain of getting a divorce.

There was a time when people thought the world was flat. If you were foolish enough to explain the math that describes the earth as a globe you might have been put into prison. Fortunately these days people don’t normally put you into prison for having radical new ideas. So I was fairly safe when I introduced the idea that a happy marriage is much more normal than a bad marriage. Normal meaning natural; I’m not saying that most people are currently enjoying a happy marriage. But it is normal to have a happy marriage as long as you’re following what I would call the physics of marriage. There are natural laws for everything. If you walk to the edge of a cliff and take one more step you will experience the natural law of gravity. If you walk up to your spouse and tell them they are stupid you will experience the natural law of a negative response for a negative comment.

The first step in saving a marriage is learning about the pitfalls, the behaviors that destroy most marriages. The next step is learning how a marriage is constructed, what a marriage actually is and consists of and what it is meant to do. Like anything else, if you learn more than just the surface rules you will be far better off. In marriage it’s exactly the same. Not only do you need to know how to communicate (just as an example - communication is not the only problem with troubled marriages) properly but you also need to know why and what proper marital communication is, why proper communication is important, and which communication to use in the various situations that arise..

It is almost certain your marriage can be saved. I have met with people who were literally going to the court to get a divorce on Friday, two days after seeing me, but were very happily married by Monday. It is absolutely amazing! But I use the analogy of trying to pound a nail in with a screwdriver and then being handed a hammer. My point is not how amazing it is that their marriage was saved. My point is it would be amazing if their marriage was not saved once they knew what they were supposed to do.

Don’t give up! I’ve seen way too many people succeed. I know where the great risks are in which few couples probably won’t succeed. But I’m not going to tell you because even out of that group there have been successes. I can’t read anyone’s mind and I don’t know the deep dark secrets within each one’s soul, so to point out the odds of the very, very small groups of people who don’t make it would be crazy on my part because it would discourage you. But know this: the chances of you being in that group are very small. The percentage of couples I couldn’t help with the manual was less than 2%. So hang in there, understand that there is hope and tell the person you are married to, “I love you.”



By: Paul Friedman

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A professional practicing marriage therapy can act as a mediator when it comes to disagreements and personality differences. These differences can cause any number of arguments. Most of the rifts a couple experience have the potential to end in a peaceful way, but then there are those rough and tumble situations where there seems no hope in sight. When the stability of your relationship is in question, marital therapy can provide you with the best relationship advice and guidance.

Seeking out marriage therapy to get unbiased guidance from a mediator who is professionally trained in such matters, is a good start to getting back what was lost between the two of you. The marriage family therapist will offer you their expertise and qualified suggestions as your professional negotiator. It’s sometimes nice to have that cushion when you and your spouse can’t seem to get past your marriage problems and communication has stalled.

Family counselors are certified professionals that have experience in all types of situations. Marriage therapy advice is a just a small portion of what they offer to couples from all walks of life. They also instruct a couple on techniques of how to strengthen their bond, improve their listening skills to better understand each other, and increase their conversational and interpersonal skills.

A marriage therapist will never place blame on a guilty party, if there is one. They only try to help you work through the misconceptions, accusations, and ego trips that may bring negative feelings into the relationship. You’ll find that marriage and family therapy will have a significant impact on your relationship and your lives. When communication becomes stagnant and it no longer exists between loved ones, family therapists can guide and teach you to share your feelings once again. They give a person permission to share their deepest fears and desires without feeling guilty or ridiculed by their partner. Egos are checked at the door when a mediator is present, for there is no room for them in a successful relationship.

Boredom, emotional neglect, lack of communication or sexual intimacies, and of course infidelity are just a few reasons why marriage problems may occur. The problems can be compounded or it may be just a single issue, but it is enough to shake the foundations of a relationship. When the couple fails to identify the causes of their difficulties, confusion and separation from the relationship can soon follow.

Sometimes, when a couple takes marriage advice from a marriage therapist, issues are revealed that were once hidden due to anger, misunderstandings, and a breach of trust. Using your marriage counselor’s advice can aid you through the process of working it out for yourselves. They have the knowledge and experience in these types of situations, and can offer you several techniques to work through your relationship issues.

There is the belief, or opinion, that family therapy should only be undertaken when a situation is too dire for repair. This is a false conviction for anyone who believes it. Marriage family therapy can be beneficial to any couple that is having issues, and at any stage in their relationship.

In many instances, troubled couples thought they were destined for divorce, and had actually started the proceedings, before they engaged in any type of family therapy. They soon realized their mistake once they began participating in regularly schedule appointments with their family therapist. The family therapy sessions saved their marriages from failing and taught them how to relate to each other in a more efficient manner.

It is best to begin family and marriage therapy when marital problems are still in the early stages. The sooner a couple engages in family and marriage therapy, the quicker and easier it will be to eliminate any misconceptions, anger, frustrations, and trust issues they may have.

Now, there are always those stubborn partners out there that refuse to participate in any marriage and family counseling. This should not stop the one individual that wishes to seek out the help from a marriage therapist. The marriage therapist can help the individual work through their own personal issues, and maybe once their partner sees the remarkable effects that the marriage therapist is having on their spouse, they may want to join in on the sessions.

Don’t be surprise when the marriage counselor digs deep into your private life. No judgment will be placed upon you; it just gives the therapist an understanding plateau of what makes you tick. It’s common to feel uncomfortable with disclosing so much personal information, but as your sessions progress, that queasy feeling will dissipate. The more open you become, the easier it will be to accept truths and understandings.

Seeking out professional guidance when your relationship appears to be bleak and unsalvageable is the wisest thing you could ever do. Regardless of the price you pay for family therapy, it can never be as expensive as losing a family.



By: Linda Cooper

About the Author:

A traditional marriage is marriage between a man and a woman. This is the most acceptable form of marriage in society. However, there are very many other forms of marriage and, they include the following. You will find same *** marriage. This is the marriage between those people who are ***. Many religious groups will not support same *** marriage. However, as we continue into modernity, more and more people are becoming open to the idea of marriage. The traditional marriage conforms to the traditional culture and religion. Many religious people believe that a family unit consists of a mother a father and children. This is the image that many people have grown up recognizing. This is one of the reasons why many people are not open to the idea of other forms of marriage. The other kind of marriage is polygamy. It involves a man getting more than one wife. Wives may be as many as the man can afford. These kinds of marriages were very popular in the Jewish culture. But with the onset of the New Testament, God demanded that one man marry one wife.

Polygamy was also very popular and still is, in the African culture. One example of polygamy in the modern Africa is that of King Mswati is Swaziland who has more than 10 wives. This number continues to grow every year. In Africa, many wives were a sign of wealth and this culture is not going away soon. Therefore, a traditional marriage will depend on the culture of the particular people. The other kind of marriage is polyandry. This is often not popular but happens all the same. It involves many men getting married to a single woman. A traditional marriage is governed by laws and, there are particular steps that go into making this kind of marriage. The most popular way of beginning a traditional marriage is through a traditional wedding. In the western world, such a marriage was done in church and, a lot of fanfare was involved. This also happens today. It is usually a communal affair and, it is no ordinary event. A traditional wedding that marks a traditional union will have the bride wear white. This is to symbolize purity.

Purity was a very vital part of a marriage. Therefore, traditionally the girls had to be virgins when getting married. This issue was more vital and more stressed in girls rather than in young men. Today, the marriage has evolved greatly and, many things no longer feature. For example, brides can choose different colors from white. The requirement of purity is no longer there and, brides are more liberal when it comes to purity. This kind of marriage must have a marriage license to fulfill all the laws of the land. If you are a couple looking to get married, know some of the laws of your country or state in this regard. The most important thing in this kind of marriage is to fulfill all the legal requirements.



By: Francis Githinji

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steveo asked:


I recently had someone state to me that if you believe in equality for all, speaking of *** marriage, then you should agree with ****** between consenting adults or that makes you a bigot.

Any thoughts on this issue.

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Getting married is a celebration of love and commitment. That holds true for a second marriage as well as a first. It’s a way of saying, “It’s just you and me, from here on out.” But second marriages can have different meanings for different people. An unacknowledged pressure to “get it right this time” may sit coiled beneath the celebration.

When you remarry there is the unspoken reality that you’ve unsuccessfully traveled this road before. It’s no secret that this is your second (or third) marriage. You may notice some of the wedding gifts aren’t as thoughtful this time around. (“After all, we figured you made out pretty well the first time.”) And don’t be surprised to hear a few long-distance friends gripe about the price of gas as they decline the wedding invitation.

When your second marriage resembles your first—Don’t Panic

Despite your best efforts to avoid comparisons, at times you may find yourself envisioning your new spouse side-by-side with your old one. Such comparisons may elevate your appreciation for the person you now share a bathroom with. After all, don’t you feel lucky to have fallen in love a second time? Many people never find that special someone. You’ve been fortunate enough to find this person—twice.

The reasons why your first marriage didn’t last are etched on your memory. Even if you remain cordial with your first spouse, the end of that relationship is something you’d rather forget. One thing is certain: Your second marriage would easily win the Best Marriage of the Century award when compared to your first. This is especially the case when you’re in the first two years of your second marriage. During this time, infatuation, excitement and passion are mind-altering experiences that are part of the magic of this new marriage. And this magic creates a blissful orbit around you and your spouse. Within this orbit, life is pretty great. Despite the necessity of adjusting to living with someone new, conflicts and lapses in communication are easily resolved—and easily overlooked. The stresses of the world that ate away at your first marriage seem unable to penetrate your marriage this time around.

Marriage experts have used terms like idealization and expansion to describe this exciting time in your relationship.

But then something begins to shift. As your second marriage moves through time, you need to say goodbye to this blissful orbit and move toward a more balanced (more realistic) marital environment. This transition can feel like a fall from grace (or a kick in the solar plexus, the kind that knocks the wind out of you). Instead of understanding that crash as a natural progression in your marriage, you might link it to the troubles that plagued your first marriage. It is at this point that the contours of your second marriage can begin to feel like your previous marriage. Disillusioned, you questionyour decision to remarry. You may begin hearing yourself say: “She’s just like my first wife!”; or “I should have known: men are all alike!”; or even “I’m the most unlucky person in the world.”

Rather than experience this transition for what it really is—a natural progression in your relationship that needs to be understood and worked through—you may feel overwhelmed by the thought of enduring more pain and what feels like another ill-fated marriage. Feeling stuck, you may envision two equally miserable futures: Cut your losses and go through another painful divorce or stay stuck in a second marriage that will be no better than the first.

Why you should step on the decision-making brakes

At this point, your second marriage is vulnerable and you should delay any decision to dissolve the marriage (assuming, of course that there is no emotional or physical abuse). Why? Because research shows that this stage of disillusionment and disappointment is just that, a stage, with a beginning and an end. Seeing this period of your second marriage clearly can give you the awareness needed to withstand and then move past this sticky point.

Your attitude can make all the difference in how this stage of your second marriage gets resolved. Envisioning your second marriage as a sailboat can help. On this boat you and your partner will need to work together in order to adjust the sails whenever the unpredictable winds change the direction of your travel. It is the marital teamwork that will give your relationship the strength it needs to travel in the direction you and your spouse desire—even when the winds won’t cooperate.



By: Richard Nicastro, Ph.D.

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